So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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