Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
