A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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