I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize