Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
