I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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