Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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