i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
