How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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