shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
