Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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