last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize