It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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