College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize