honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
