I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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