So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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