We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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