I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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