i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
