I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Who died my cat blue again?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
