He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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