just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
