so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize