The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Found your dick twin last night
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
