I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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