those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
