I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
