i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
