I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
