Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
