he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
