We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
