I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
