We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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