I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
