Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize