hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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