time to smoke my breakfast
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
