I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
