I want to make a zoo with you.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
