Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
