cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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