Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
