i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
