just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
