Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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