If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
