Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
