Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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