she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
