Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
