dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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