And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
