I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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