how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
