That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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