just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Enjoy the penises
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
