Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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