I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize