I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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