apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
