last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
