you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
