That's when you crack a 10am beer
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
