I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
