I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
