id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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