Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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