i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
